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  • Tonja Weimer

Love and Need - Clinging to One Bad Relationship After Another

Updated: Jan 28



Are you needy in all of your relationships? Do you cling, want an instant commitment, and live your life to serve your love interest? These are signs of codependency.


Many co-dependents have gone through experiences as children where the adults were out of control. Therefore, they try to control events or people by manipulation, domination, financial control, guilt, rescuing, or helplessness.


Co-dependents may overeat, take tranquilizers, become alcoholics, get depressed or sick, spend compulsively, become workaholics, believe lies told to them by the people in their lives, and lie to themselves. Behavior patterns they learned in childhood, in order to survive, become their biggest obstacles to their own happiness.


If you are a co-dependent, you may act in any of the following ways in a relationship:


* Cling to anyone you think will make you happy or take care of you in some way.


* Feel extremely nervous about losing anyone you feel provides you with comfort of any kind.


* Believe love equals pain.


* Don't take enough time to see if someone is good for you.


* Look to the relationship to provide all your happiness.


* Center your life around other people and their needs, thinking you are being a good person.


* Seek love from people who are incapable of loving you.


* Ask for what you need indirectly.


* Stay in relationships that don't work.


* Have poor boundaries.


How can you break the habits of co-dependency? Do not despair. Knowledge is power. First, recognize the signs. If you see yourself doing any of the above, it's time to start the basics of self-care. It begins with changing one behavior at a time. As "care-takers" of others, you are detached from what you need, have lost touch with what you want, and have essentially abandoned your inner voice that tries to tell you what is good for you.


Make a list of your repeated behaviors that don't serve you. Start with the easiest one to change. It takes 30 days to build a new habit. At the end of one month, start working on the next behavior you want to alter. And never be afraid to look for help. You deserve a great life.


Visit http://www.DearTonja.com for more information. Copyright 2020, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

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