Updated: Jan 26, 2021
Are you spending time with the wrong one? Lots of singles want to know how to choose the right person- sooner, rather than later-and not spend years discovering the one they're with is wrong for them. Here are some points to bring you clarity:
1. What is the quality of your time together like?
He may be the wrong one if you are only happy with this person 20% of the time. If more than 20% of your time together is stressful, unfulfilling, or argumentative, the red flags of warning are up.
2. On a scale of 1 to 10, the best being a 10, how would you rate your personal life?
He may be wrong for you if you rated your life below a 5. Spend some time strengthening your foundational bricks before you get in a serious relationship. For instance, you need a job or a career path you are actively working on. You need your finances in order, or a plan in place to get them handled. Be proactive about your health and take good care of yourself before you get sick. Your network of support needs to be in place, and, you have to have at least one activity that you love to do.
If you're looking for someone else to make you happy, give you energy, keep you from being sad, or bored, or desperate, you'll be oblivious to the warning signs.
3. What are your values?
He may be wrong for you if he doesn't share your standards. You won't care what he looks like; you won't remember the chemistry that was once there; and it won't matter to you that you both like monster movies and snorkeling. Looks, physical attraction, and mutual interests are meaningless unless you are on the same page about your values.
4. What was your initial attraction?
How do you know if he's wrong for you? Does he have some qualities that were missing in your former relationship(s)? Though your last date might not have had a sense of humor and your new one does, that doesn't mean that he has all of your other requirements. Don't be blinded by seeing only the characteristics that were missing in your last relationship.
5. Are you a good listener?
He may be telling you in all kinds of ways how he is actually wrong for you... but you won't get it unless you are a good listener. Make some statements that reveal what is important to you and listen to what he says. For example, if you live for the moments when you can be surrounded by nature, say something like, "My favorite thing to do in the whole world is to go camping." If he turns up his nose and makes negative comments, this is not a match. Further, listen to the comments he makes about his life or boss or family. If it's full of negativity, eventually some of that toxic energy is going to be focused on you. You can weed out most people who are not right simply by listening closely.
If your life is on track, you know your values, and you think you've met a keeper, in general, it should take about three dates to get clear about whether you should continue dating him. Most important, always remember-you deserve someone wonderful!
Visit http://www.DearTonja.com for more information. Copyright 2020, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)